Abandon ye pride, prejudice, panty twisting - this one is super eligible for your Summer Reading List: Eligible, by Curtis Sittenfeld

Eligible

Curtis Sittenfeld

Random House, 2016

ISBN: 978-1400068326

Review copy provided by NetGalley

My delight in British costume dramas, Jane Austen, and smutty books is, well, not a secret.  I’m not known to miss a BBC show on PBS involving long skirts, repressed and eventually unrepressable feels (yeah, I know it’s not a word, but try and pretend like you don’t know what I meant), drama of a sensibly British nature, and smoldering male leads in tight pants and long coats. If you’ve been paying attention, you also know well my love for ridiculous smutty books, as well as a good old case of the terribles.  Pretty much forever, Mrs. Bennet has been my all-time favorite unintentional Austen heroine (sorry Anne Elliot, you’re a close second); in fact, though Persuasion has persuasively stolen my heart, I really think Pride and Prejudice is actually the best, funniest, and most entertaining of all of Austen’s novel...which is probably why it’s so, sooooo widely adapted.

Hearing that there was another adaption of Pride and Prejudice was kind of like hearing that the Italian men’s national soccer team had flopped to excess again in international league play.  Hearing that it was written by the wryly amused and perceptive Curtis Sittenfeld, and set in Cincinnati, Ohio (a great spot I’ve visited, but not necessarily one of the sexiest places to set a romantic novel, yaknow? But then again, neither was Milwaukee, so maybe the Midwest is onto something?) however, perked my ears right up. This did not smell like an Armani scented flop!   And you guys.  IT WASN’T.

Out of the Easy, by Ruta Sepetys: Smith girls aren't easy...even in the Big Easy

Out of the Easy
Ruta Sepetys
New York: Philomel Books, 2013.
ISBN: 978-0-399-25692-9
ARC provided by NetGally

The world is not kind when you are the daughter of a prostitute.  It is 1950, and Josie Morraine is about to turn eighteen.  Working in both a bookstore and as a maid in the brothel that employs her mother, Josie has lived alone and supported herself since she was 12. She is eager to escape her mother’s shadow and the steamy underbelly of New Orleans to start a better life for herself.  Though Josie’s defacto guardian, the infamous, fierce madam Willie Wooley, has provided her both with employment and protection in the rough French Quarter, she doesn’t agree with Josie’s dream of leaving New Orleans for an elite New England college education.  When a wealthy, kind businessman suspiciously dies the same day he has visited bookstore, Josie can’t help but pay attention as it becomes more and more evident that her mother’s gangster boyfriend may be involved, and that Josie and her friends may be in danger as a consequence.  Caught between doing the easy thing, the right thing, and following her dreams and heart, escaping her past is not going to be easy for Josie.  This well written, coming of age story is best for older teens and adults due to mature themes, and is a strong recommendation for both public and school libraries, as well as summer reading lists.  

With an opener like “My mother's a prostitute. Not the filthy, streetwalking kind.”  I think we can safely start placing bets on both how soon after publication this will be banned, how many times it will be banned, etc.  But I hope there are librarians brave enough out there to put this whore book on their library shelves - it is well worth the headache of dealing with the pearl clutchers who won’t make it past page one.  Out of the Easy is well crafted, with solid, engaging writing, and a really sympathetic, admirable protagonist.  Josie has it tough, and we sympathize with her, but Sepetys is deft in making sure we never feel pity for her; she has a hard life, but she’s working harder, holding her head high, and trying to stay respectable to change it.  

Josie has created a rich chosen family for herself. I particularly enjoyed her relationship with Patrick.  (Spoiler alert:) Though Josie is certainly not naive after working for years to clean up in the mornings at a brothel (a. gross, and b. por ejemplo, she doesn’t bat an eyelash when she finds one of the prostitutes napping with an ice pack on her ladybits), she’s naive about a lot of life, and doesn’t quite understand the whole being gay insinuation, pretty much until its beating her over her head.  I really kind of loved that angle; it’s such a human quality to know so much, and yet so little!  (Spoiler over!)  The other characters, though occasionally of a type (cruel gangster, loving chauffer, sweet-natured cook, slimey business man, prostitute with a heart of gold, progressive Smith girl from a good family), are all well crafted - and who wouldn’t have a crush on tight-jean, leather jacket, motorcycle mechanic with a heart of gold, Jesse?  Whatababe.  It is also a testament to Sepetys’ writing that she has written a book about a lot of prostitutes, usually easy fodder for ridicule or criticism.  Though the reader understands the societal prejudices, Sepetys’s writing never creates a feeling of disgust, pity or stigmatizes them, except perhaps in the case of the truly lost woman, Josie’s monstrous mother.  In short - it’s a pretty solid, enjoyable read with an aura of suspense that makes it hard to put down!  

PS. It took me until approximately today (I've had had this one for a month and a half or so) that there is not a bird, but a girl behind the birdcage on the cover. Self-low-five!

The Luxe, by Anna Godbersen: Gossip Girl goes to the Guilded Age

The Luxe
by Anna Godbersen
Harper Collins: New York, 2007
ISBN: 0061345660

Once upon a time in ye Olde NYC, before Gossip Girl took the interwebs by storm, there were the society pages, the low tech but equally reliable font of the titillating tales of the crème de la crème in NYC society.  The Luxe is set in 1890's NYC, during the Guilded Age.  Times are a changin': new money encroaches on old money society turf, and the hired help is starting to get ideas!  This is the story of Ms. Elizabeth Holland, freshly returned from Paris, and under pressure to be married off to an eligible bachelor now that the Holland family is on the verge of bankruptcy due to some shady dealings by her late father.  Her best friend is the nouveau-riche princess of NYC society, Penelope Hayes.  Both girls have secret lovers.  Penelope's lovah is the catch of the year, Henry Schoonmaker, who is forced into an engagement with Elizabeth, leaving Penelope vengeful.  But Elizabeth's not feeling so great about this, as she's taking riding lessons from the coachman down in the stables… Woahhh! Meanwhile, Henry has fallen hard for Diana, Elizabeth's little sister, and Elizabeth's personal maid has gotten some independent ideas during Elizabeth's absence.  With Penelope out for revenge, things are bound to take a turn for the dramatic, and the society pages are bound to dish on it! 

The Luxe is for YA's who like the scandal, life of excess, and drama GG provides, but maybe want a little history (and yards of silk) thrown into the mix.  While the book does provide great historical backdrops, fashion, and misc. tidbits, it often goes well beyond what would have been appropriate, acceptable, or even expected, especially in regards to sex, which could call into question just how historically accurate this work is…As a side note, this is published by the same Harper Collins imprint as GG, Alloy Entertainment. I highly recommend checking out the page for this book on Amazon, where there is the most bizzaro movie trailer for the second book…the first movie trailer I've ever seen for a book to boot.  Also, hello.  The cover had me at hello - even though I was immediately like, "Shoulders?  In ye olde timey New York?  Sluuuutttt alerttttt!  (But where can I try that dress on, for serious.)"

Book talk hook:  Peg this as Gossip Girl, with class…HIGH CLASS!  Get it?!? This is one where the cover will help sell the book as fans of historical fiction (and those who fantasize about frolicking in period clothing) may be intrigued by the girl on the cover.  I find the narrative tough to do a read aloud with, since the story is kind of all over the place.  Summarizing it like I do above will probably be enough.

A Discovery of Witches (and Vampires Who Do Yoga, Fondle Books, and Sniff Wine), by Deborah Harkness

A Discovery of Witches
by Deborah Harkness

New York: Viking, 2011
ISBN: 978-0-670-02241-0

Guilty confession/secret shame: occasionally I read books for adults in addition to books for kids.  While there are some respectable titles in the mix (a recent brush with The Road comes to mind), more often than not they happen to have less literarily lofty ambitions.  Yes.  Are you ready for this jelly?  I'm coming out of the I-love-epic-time traveling-paranormal-historical-romance-fiction-novels closet.  It is true.   I love Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series.  But this is not a post about an awesome book about a WW2 era English nurse who trips and falls through a mini Stonehenge and time and into the arms of a be-kilted ginger Scot that you should read.  It is about another saccharine-y fun book for grownups that I read just the other day!  

When I saw a review for A Discovery of Witches in Booklist that compared it to Outlander, I felt I owed it to my freak flag to read it.  Abandon ye all hope of getting any sort of respectable, scholarly review below.  Pull up a couch and pour yourself a mouthwatering glass of red wine.  Appropriately, anytime I use the word mouthwatering, I have an overwhelming urge to say it like this:

Thanks for nothing, Twilight!  But why, why is this urge to talk like a ridiculous vampire in Twilight so appropriate?  Well, let me tell you all about it.

Ladies and ladies (since I doubt the gents picking this up are few and far between), this book is a mouthwatering mashup of Twilight, Outlander, The Historian, and The Da Vinci Code.  Yes.  Seriously.  Though nowhere near as insane as Outlander, it is epic, it is fun.   Our heroine is one sweet young thang, Diana Bishop, a witch hailing from a long line of other witches, including an infamous one in infamously witch-loving Salem, MA.   Since her parents bit it suspiciously on a trip to Africa when she was a kid, Diana has been denying herself and the world of her magical powerz through a combination of pensive pre-dawn rowing sessions and a historical study of alchemy.  Alchemy being the ye olde science equivalent of magic.  Clearly she's doing a great job!  On sabbatical to Oxford to fondle some dusty old books in Bodlean, Diana finds and promptly returns a freaky enchanted book, and immediately stumbles into the arms of a hot Doctor.  Suspect! Double suspect, he is not just a Doctor!  Oh ho! He is a hot VAMPIRE doctor!  Matthew Clairmont is impossibly fast and strong, his skin is pale white and ice cold, and sometimes he speaks like he's from a different time!  His powers include being hot, being a badass predator, being a doctor, being ascetic, being immortal, having lots of secrets, being part of a vampire gang, and having a penchant for fine wines.  If it weren't for the last, I'm pretty sure the Cullen's would have adopted him by now.  But I digress!  

Turns out a ancient pact of Witches, Vampires, and Ghouls want the book real bad - it may or may not have the secret to magical life tucked away inside and it has been MIA since nigh on forever - and now that everyone knows Diana fondled it, they're all after her.  To boot, said secret society also has a rule on intermagical species dating.  As the Germans say, VERKLEMPT! Oh snap.  But they are not the only secret ancient society out there, and lines are drawn (to steal yet another Stephenie Meyerism) irrevocably.  Our heroes are on the run to places near and far, bourgeois and swank, denying their love, proclaiming their love, doing yoga, and sipping wine throughout.  Will Diana ever embrace her magical powers?  Will Matthew ever not be hot?  Will you be able to avoid craving wine while reading this book?

This book is filled with many things you would expect of anything that has been hit with the romance or paranormal genre sticks:  hot vampires, breaking in to watch people sleep (aka studying at the school of Edward Stalker Cullen), longing looks, pensive walks in the woods, near death fights, surviving near death fights, dudes carrying girls, girls sitting on dudes laps all the time, declarations of true love, opulent vampire lifestyles, hot baths, etc.  But it failed majorly on one count.  I was expecting it to be much more smutty.  I love smutty books!  In fact, there is no. sex. at. all.  I'd have given you a spoiler warning, but consider this your sex disappointment warning.  What up with that Deborah E. Harkness?  No excuses!  What is this, Twilight?

At times the story can drag; there was probably way too much scholarly debate in the first half and not nearly enough action.  It also becomes clear with 200 pages to go that this book is going to be the first in a series.  However, there is a lot to redeem it and judging from the fact that I devoured this book, it's relatively captivating.  If you are anything like me, you will probably be amused by the ridiculous wine sniffing activities (turns out Ms. Harkness has a wine blog), Vampire yoga, convenience of Matthew knowing every historical figure mentioned, inclusion of gay primary characters, occasionally clunky dialogue, and (antiquated) semantics of (vampire) marriage. In short, this post is not short and neither is the book.  But if you at all like reading series or epic paranormal-time traveling-historical fiction books, this is a strong recommendation! 

Forever, by Judy Blume: Smutty Books!

Forever, Judy Blume (1975).
NY: Bradbury Press. ISBN: 0-02-711030-3

Katherine is 17, and has just met a cute boy named Michael, who is totally requiting her crush. They bond over records (see publication date), start to date and hang out, and Katherine finds herself falling hard for him. Her best friend Erica has a crush on his best friend, Artie, who may or may not be gay, but who is definitely depressed. Katherine and Michael eventually decide to take things up a notch, and Do It. They like Doing It, so they keep Doing It. Artie and Erica don't, because Artie is gay-maybe, depressed-definitely. When Artie tries to commit suicide, the teens all come together to help each other and Artie accept who they are and the choices they make. Meanwhile, back at their parents homes, Michael and Katherine are still in love, forever, and Doin' It. Even though their parents and other grown ups want them to try dating other people, they can’t see the point, because this is love. They are presented with a major hurdle when their parents make them spend their senior summer apart. This is the story of first love, friendship, sex, and growing up.

I do love me a good smutty book. Banned book list? Bring. It. On. I’m somewhat disappointed with my teenaged self for never getting more into dirty Judy Blume books; I guess finding my fourth-grade-self somewhat scandalized and over-stimulated all the period talk in Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, is probably is a good explanation for why I never branched out. I digress... Forever did not disappoint.

This is really at its core a story about growing up, accepting your sexuality (and that of others, like gay-maybe Artie), love, and doin’ it. It goes without saying that Katherine and Michael take an express train to Boom City. Judy Blume doesn’t shy away from the nitty gritty of sex, be it in the form of teenage pregnancy, sexual attraction, premature ejaculation, etc. While I initially giggled and gasped about the awkwardness of Michael and Katherine’s first time(s), this book serves to debunk the myths surrounding sex for most teenagers. While Katherine is kind of an insensitive flake when she breaks up with Michael (in my humble opinion), she is a role model for girls who are thinking about becoming sexually active because she is so responsible, taking a trip to Planned Parenthood and always insisting on protection. Despite being written thirty-three years ago, this book stands up to the passage of time as a testament to growing up. High five, Judy Blume.

Best for: Teenage girls, ages 13-18. Or dirty book affectionados, avec moi.

The Hook: Banned book about sex. It kind of sells itself. Short of that, I would give a brief summary, holding up the cover of my copy, which features a big brass bed with….wait for it…rumpled sheets! SCANDAL.