Case of the Terribles: Leisure Suits for the Modern Gal

GUYS.  Gone are the days of mere Juicy Couture leisure suits which posited "JUICY" on a wearers derrière, or the subsequent poseurs which posed statements like "SEXY" or "ENJOY THE VIEW," in bright fonts or rhinestones for the brave.

Let me introduce you to the only leisure suit you need for 2016.  It's a mere $400, which is chump change to look so flawlessly relaxed and leisurely!  It comes from the crazies who are steering JCrew directly into an iceberg!  That worked out really well for Leo and Kate, so you know they're onto something.

Behold, Collection Drake's for JCrew Green Bengal Tiger Pant and Top!

WERK. IT. GURL.

You Havisham in style!

Rarrrrrrrr.  In case you need translation, that's a lion noise in support of this fierce feline family member inspired prowling suit.  You go get it, you fierce cougars!

In case you were wondering how to wear it, here's the handy product guide:

Oh, I'm thinking nights out all right.  I mean, who can resist a silk elastic waisted pant that you have to dry clean?

Practical!

Case of the Terribles: How to Dress Your Man For Summer

It's been so long since I've case of the terribled you.  But that's just because I've been locked in a bunker, researching for weeks, obvi.  After hours of deep Internet research and thought, I've come up with three really fantastic looks for summer for the dudes reading this out there.  There's no way you won't turn heads in this, I give you my guarantee.  

For your Suit:  

Let's talk about this suit you can buy on Amazon for $1500 (a statement which bears questioning even before price is thrown in), which may be designed to catch a summer breeze and turn heads.  Snazzy looking, right?

STOP. DO NOT PASS GO.  Zoom out.  

Case of the Terribles: Fall Flavors

I'd like to invite all y'all to join my rally cry against the orange tinged dark arts I've been spotting in grocery stores, food aisles, running supplements, and most offensively and horrifyingly, my parents refrigerator.  Hear my rally cry against the indencency of pumpkin spicing, maple baconing, or caramel appleing everything! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a strategically placed piece of pumpkin bread or maple syrup pour (right in my mouth hole area), but things have been getting out of hand, food producers of North America.  When the irreproachable and humble workhouses that are English muffins take on a pumpkin spice hue, I have to wonder: can no food product go unsullied?!

Hear my rally cry against the indecency of pumpkin spice everything: nooooo mooooooooooooooore!  (And especially no more pumpkin beer in July. JUST NO.)

 Please note the relative health of all these things is overwhelmingly, impressively, and staggeringly healthy.  

Here be the grossest things I've found in the wild this fall season:

Maple. Bacon. Energy. Gel.

 Because energy gel wasn't gross enough, we flavored it like sweet meat.  

I'm no wizard, but I predict this will go over real well at mile 15.

Case of the Terribles: Twilight Reimagined

Just the other day I was wondering what happened to Stephenie Meyer, whose decision to spell her first name thusly is at best in and of itself a case of the terribles, and at worst, possibly a crime against humanity.  Turns out she's been super busy, breaking new and important ground.  As in, she rewrote Twilight, but just swapped the genders of her protagonists, in a new book titled Life and Death: Twilight Reimagined.

Apparently it's supposed to make us rethink gender roles.  The bravery. The creativity. The sensitivity. The courage.

I can't even...

This is real.  This is happening.  

Look at this display vulnerable masculinity, you guys.  You know he's strong but kind, and willing to fall for a lady vamp who sneaks in and watches him sleep, just from those manicured nails.  This sensitive human dude could squash that apple just like a lady vamps heart if he wanted.  But he won't. Because love.

(But seriously - will there be a vampire baby and werewolf love triangle? I have standards, Stephenie.) 

Case of the Terribles: Do You Want to Play with my Balls edition

Some of us are never mature enough to discuss the word balls without giggling, because we're secretly 12 year old boys.  This one is for us, team - all us otherwise functional adults who snicker at immature things.  But if you're say, more into proving yourself better than/more right/a fair judge of everything everyone else does/a paragon of righteous morality, this is also for you, and just in time for Banned Books Week!  Bossy Internet Morality Police (BIMPs), mount up!

Behold a new book "for children":

Do You Want to Play with my Balls, by The Cifaldi Brothers 

Naturally, BIMPs are having a rightous pout about this, while the rest of us super (im)mature types perhaps weren't naive enough to think this was actually for real a book for children.  I mean, please read the back of the jacket.

If you BIMPs are still upset, I suggest you read a peaceful children's book and take a nap until you can talk in an inside voice and stop embarrassing yourself and your childhood librarian on those comment streams.  

Well played, brothers Cifaldi!

Case of the Terribles: choose your own pants adventure

JCrew has been on fire with the fug, or so their sales seem to indicate.  This both delights me (because you know how I love a case of the terribles), and terrifies me, because ugh, get it together, your clothes are in sizes and shapes that fit me wellllll you guysssssss.

However, let's delight in a case of terribles.  Say you hypothetically have a cool $500 to burn, and also terrible taste. Probably you have a small white dog with a taste for human flesh.  Maybe you're an oil baron's lesser valued third wife. Say you want to stand out because that first wife has been a total bitch about shared jet time recently and also totally stole your appointment at the spa.   Choose your own adventure:

Navy blue perforated leather 
or silk gold lame pants?

GO.  

Case of the Terribles: Yoga Distractions

It's been a while since I've stumbled across something that merits the distinguished diagnosis of a case of the terribles.  But I found a doozy today while casually doing some day off online window shopping.  Ladies and gentlemen, please meet the City One Piece, courtesy of LuluLemon.  


It is designed to remove distractions on the mat. 

Lululemon.com

Lululemon.com

Lululemon.com

Their claim, not mine.  I'll let you be the judge.  

It's a steal at $44, marked down from $88.  In case it sells out before you can get it, I'll make you extra jealous thinking of this pro tip in the comment section for wearing this versatile outfit: 

"What I really love about this piece is you can wear it not only practicing yoga, running under your pants, and even for crossfit, etc., It can be coupled as a beautiful addition to your favorite jeans and heels for a night out. Or under a power suit for your workdays."

Case of the Terribles: Some Top Favorite Ways People Have Found This Blog

A long, long time ago, I started keeping a list of searches that led to people like you, reader, finding this website.  I think it's high time I shared it, in case I don't get you anything else for Christmas.  Enjoy.  I know I did!  

1. nkotbsb shirtless
   - Amen.  
2. i'm peeta and i know it
   - HOW? Please elaborate. 
3. why is macaroni and cheese so good
   - A question of universal import. 
4. macaroni and jesus recipe
   - Oh, is your macaroni holy?  Mine was (except not).     
5. marge simpson playing a instrument
   - ?
6. canada a land of adventure
   - It IS a land of adventure! 
7. men scared of the truth
   - I'm scared to ask, and I'm not a man. 
8. lebron james tidbits
   - Let's keep this clean, kids.  
9. what is green gobbles
   - It's a tropical parasite that enters through your...wait, I think we're talking about salad.
10. boy21 chapther 37 summery
    - Leths thum things up for thish ethasy for a book you didn't read, high sthoolers. 
11. oregon trail game dysentary
    - YES.  YES.  YES.  
12. dessert for raven bouys
    - But only if you anchor the boat first, Gansey.    
13. i am hungry
    - Always.  
14. mac+and+queso+cheese
    - I dare you to go to a Mexican restaurant and order cheese on your quesadilla.  
15. i ate 13 chicolate kisses
    - I love you.  Also: are you my childhood dog reincarnated? If so, call me?

Case of the Terribles: When Altruism Goes Wrong

Spotted this at the Harvard Square Starbucks this morning.

Facetious genius, or clueless do-gooder?  

I have so many questions.  

Case of the Terribles: Bilingually speaking

The bilingual teenage boy at work, everyone.  

Case of the Terribles: Valentine gift for your Nemesis?

Please give this calorie counting wine glass to someone you hate this Valentines/Galentines Day.

Otherwise, buy it just to drink from and immediately smash emphatically, because what kind of monster drinks wine to count calories? 

I bet that's chardonnay.
Gross.

Case of the Terribles: Please do not Free Willy

This is easily the worst thing you'll see all day (and possibly NSFW but probably okay), which can conveniently be purchased on eBay, where childhood film characters apparently go to die:

Tidbits: Hallowinners

• If you are not a lazy pumpkin carver, like moi, these could prove to be inspiring for you as you ponder what to carve on a pumpkin (that the neighboorhood hooligans will later feast upon/smash).  And by hooligans, I mean squirrels.
• In even more exciting Halloween things, here are 15 Adorably Bookish Pet Costumes!  I'm kind of partial to Max from the Grinch, but Edward Cullen the Cat made me laugh.  
• Litographs has some pretty cool things, what with the text and the books and the art...well played!  Here is the easiest yet cleverest Halloween costume I could come up with.  Especially if you break a slate over someone's head.
• Step out with style, fellow word nerds.  
• In things after my heart, enjoy these 10 great meal ideas from literature.  Perhaps for your next book club?!
• Oh hello, interview with the Divergent ladies on Forever YA! 
• This Case of the Terribles headline kind of writes itself:  Ja Rule wants to write a microwave cookbook.  Fingers crossed, team!  

Case of the Terribles: How is this clothes, exactly?

Perhaps I am just grumpy today.

But in what world does this top count as clothing, Nordstrom Rack Juniors Department?

It's called a Bralette, for pete's sake.
What is that, even?  

Case of the Terribles: Book Therapists among us

Are your BS meters at the ready after this long work week?

Please meet a book therapist. 

If this was not a free service already provided by librarians already paid by our tax dollars in ALL public libraries, anyone trying to sell you a book at a fabulous independent book store, or like...the entire Internet, I might actually be terrified by that incredibly professional looking sign.  

Case of the Terribles: Busted - The Curious Case of the Dog Head on the Wall

Seriously, Anthropologie?  Seriously?  

Who thought this was a good idea?  I want a name!  

This is the stuff of my nightmares.  

Don't worry, there are five breeds to choose from.  

Case of the Terribles (for our waistlines): Buffalo Chicken Mac and Cheese Pizza

While trying to get some work done and utterly failing, an Internet ad appeared on the side of my browser.  Creepy Big Brother moment...like they KNOW me.  I'm both totally grossed out, and totally want to try Papa Ginos new pizza, the Buffalo Chicken Mac and Cheese Pizza.  I mean...check out the word picture they paint:

• Buffalo Chicken Mac & Cheese
  Spicy buffalo chicken and macaroni in a creamy cheese sauce with a blend of American, asiago, and sharp cheddar cheese, topped with crispy breadcrumbs.

So gross, right?  And yet...how much do you want to try it?  I mean, I dare you to say no to this face:

Tidbits (and a running case of the terribles)

• Say it ain't so, Keith! Notorious library loving rocker Keith Richards owes his library like a million dollars in 50 year old overdues, a rough conversion from pounds (Hey, I'm a librarian. I never said I was good at math!). 
• Yes kids, books DO grow on trees.  
• I dunno, but I kind of think selling fan fiction goes against the spirit of it.  Amazon is opening it (shock me, shock me, shock me). 
• Ofcourse we need a list of super annoying characters in literary history.  I could not agree with #3 and #1 more.  Touche, Hairpin.  
• A free digital copy of a Neil Gaiman short story and an excerpt of his new book?  Why not?
• I'm both confused, delighted, and frightened by this Selection fan video. No need to read the book now kids!  (Also, the second attempt at a pilot got scrapped.  Maybe because they accidentally submitted this?)
• Reader, I know your deepest desire has always been to look just like Effie Trinket in the Hunger Games.  The Glamazons at Cover Girl have heard your tear-laced prayers!
  
  
• Annnd your Bonus....
  Case of the Terribles, Nudist Family Camp stylez (probably NSFW): Bare Buns Fun Run.  Exactly what it sounds like.  

Case of the Terribles: When good greeting card ideas go bad

I thought it would be a great idea to see if there were any Where's Waldo/Wally greeting cards to send as thank you notes to all of the wonderful people who have donated to support my participation in the upcoming Where's Wally Run on March 24th (it's not too late to get in on the action!).  I still think it is a great idea - so if you find a great Where's Waldo/Wally greeting card, let me know. 

Because this is what I found:

Case of the Terribles: Anne of Green Gables

BS radar on high, everyone.  

This is not what Anne of Green Gables looked like: