These Broken Ration Bars (aka Date Bars with Almond and Coconut) - Book Club Recipes

These Broken Ration Bars
(AKA Date Bars with Almond and Coconut)

While reading These Broken Stars, I came to realize something fairly obvious (self low five): food in survival kits is ubiquitously described as nasty.  This should not come as a shock - it’s not designed to titilate the senses and your palate; it’s there so you don’t start eating poison berries (but you may need to, these ration bars don’t just grow on trees...actually almost all ingredients in mine do, come to think).  I've had an MRE, and I'm still unsure how I feel about self heating bags and faux strawberry milkshakes in bags, and basically anything bagged and tagged to last forever. ANYWAYS.  I started thinking about this one in August, and had in mind some hazy plan to make granola bars.  But guys, granola bars are so boring.  And who wants to be bored when surviving in a ballroom gown and scopin’ out the only other human who conveniently happens to be a hottie who also happens wear a uniform seemingly made only of Under Armour, amirite, Lilac LaRoux?  

I set a super un-hyperspeed course (hello, it is now January) to make a ration bar as ungross, as palatable, and as low maintenance as possible.  I tried to use things I had on hand that you might too.  This includes almond butter, which I tried, but wanted to use up after realizing that I remain unconvinced that it actually tastes better than peanut butter.  They’re ultimately pretty simple and have about 9 ingredients (dates, almonds, almond butter, coconut, coconut oil, pepitas, oats, maple syrup, and a dash of salt - no dehydration for my troops allowed!).  The real beauty?  You can kind of throw in whatever you want, or roll them into balls and into the granola if you prefer to bite balls as opposed to squares while rationing your food to survive. I may have created the least practical survival bars ever - pretty sure they will get a little messy/squishy if not refrigerated.  Hence, you should only take them if you plan to get stranded in Antarctica, Siberia, the Yukon, or a planet resembling some foul those three.  That said, they do taste pretty delicious, have a lot of natural proteins and good sugars in them, and are incredibly easy and quick to make.  As usual, I looked at a few other recipes to reference the ratios, but then did my own thing (The Kitchn, OhSheGlows).

 

Mmmedjool.

The moral?  Next time you plan to get stuck in a survival situation, pause before you crash to make These Broken Ration Bars (pro tip, they may be good for future holiday treat use!).  Enjoy them with your ladyfriends while you book club and discuss who you’d like to get stranded on an unknown planet with: Tim Riggins, Indiana Jones, Tarver Merendsen, or Neville Longbottom.  Note: don’t feed them to people with nut allergies unless you hate them and have a burning desire to try out prison for a spell.  

These Broken Ration Bars
(AKA Date Bars with Almond and Coconut)

These Broken Ration Bars
(aka Date Bars with Coconut and Almond)

These Broken Ration Bars
(AKA Date Bars with Almond and Coconut)

Ingredients
(see notes)

Dinner Train: The Raven Boy

The Raven Boys meets The Raven Boy

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, I lived in a castle atop a hill with several other beautiful princesses, a fire-breathing dragon, and our loyal manservant, Maurice.  That’s only sort of true: it was sixish years ago, we lived on a cliff in the top two floors of a run-down Victorian house, the fire-breathing dragon was an oven that shot fireballs out when you turned it on, and our manservant was neither loyal nor male, but rather a birthday cake stealing, pregnant racoon named Maurice.  

The one truth?  There were in fact beautiful princesses (and more as the years went on), and we had a magical fresh out of college experience, navigating the perils of the new adult world (running out of French Onion Dip, Brazilian DJs showing up to your housewarming parties, a bathroom without a door, and a landlord who once tried to fix a broken door using only a snow shovel) way more classily (sometimes), and well fed than the girls seem to do on Girls.  More importantly, a group love of YA/fun literature swept through the ranks in the house - we did group reads for things like Breaking Dawn, hazed new roommates with gifts of Outlander, made mixes for books...you get the idea. This appropriately titled blog started right back about then!

Pretty pretty princesses.

It seemed only fitting that in a year when three members of the first generation of the house would be turning 30, and another is having her first baby, that said first generation (and moi, generation 1.5) should muster and eat way too much cheese, drink some wine, and reflect upon these momentous life events.  Naturally, we decided to have a faux book club in anticipation of this event, and even more naturally, choose a YA book about a group of magical friends: The Raven Boys.  JUST LIKE US.  I reviewed it last year, but was really glad to reread it and discuss with like-minded BFFs, especially in light of the sequel (one of...several? I’m unclear what “cycle” means, publishing world.), The Dream Thieves, dropping in just about a month.  Maybe I have a copy.  Maybe you should stay tuned for that review...

A pizza feast fit for Welsh kings,
Raven Boys, psychics?

We’re a little older and theoretically wiser now (which is just a polite way to say that we don’t bounce back like 22-year-olds anymore; our drinks better be worth it!).  We’ve certainly become way better and more confident chefs, even when faced with the daunting challenge of making pizza (in honor of Blue’s job as a pizza parlour waitress, and meeting the Monmouth boys for the first time at work) in a 1970s kitchen lacking any baking sheets.  Over several rounds of Marry Shag Cliff (Does anyone keep Noah?  Poor guy.) and group casting as characters in the book (apparently I’m Maura? Whattt? Disagree?), a feast fit for Glendower was prepared.  I whipped up a little something I’m calling the Raven Boy to toast both our reunion, and the Raven Boys with.  It’s got a little bit of everything from the book in there: mint for Gansey, Bourbon for the Southern Henrietta accents (also alcohol, for Ronan), black-blue for both Blue and the Raven boys, and is served ice cold.  Like Noah! 

Making magic happen in old kitchens since 2005.

This is our kind of tea reading.

Recipe below - but do note that you can use the syrup with more seltzer to make a non-alcoholic version of this, any teens who may stumble across this recipe.  

The Raven Boy

(Blackberry Lime Julep)

The Raven Boy, inspired by Maggie Stiefvater's The Raven Boys

Swamplandia! inspired Red Seth Bites with Swamp-Ass Dip

Swamplandia! inspired snacks:
Red Seth Bites and Swamp Ass Dip

I don't think it is a stretch to say that Swamplandia! is probably the best all-around thing I will read in 2013.  I mean...can you fault me?  Gorgeous language, stunning writing, storytelling that distracts from the elevated writing, swamps, likeable kids facing realistic challenges they don't understand, coming of age...yeah, Karen Russell got me hook, line, sinker.  Yes, I've spent some time in South Florida, been to the Everglades, and I've seen gator wrestling live (let's just be clear: I have no desire to partake, but gator does sure taste good!); this book made those memories come alive again like I was experiencing them for the first time.

PopTart, werk that grill!

I was inspired to cook, naturally.  Also naturally, I thought about what we feed gators in captivity: chicken.  YUM.  There was also the visual inspiration July 2013 cover of Bon Appetit, which just kind of looked at me as I ripped through Swamplandia!, tempting me to take a bite.  The resulting skewers, which I'm calling Red Seth Bites, were good enough that my mother requested that I make them again, a week later, for my father's birthday.   By lucky coincidence, the marinade was initially way spicier than I had intended for my sissy family (it wound up not being too spicy at all when cooked, so up the pepper and hot sauce if you like a slow burn), so I whipped up a yogurt based dip to cool things down.  What resulted was so good I may or may not have taken to eating it with a spoon...and then used it again with my leftovers the next day.  I used about a pound of chicken with my marinade, but I suspect you could use any protein you'd like.  Please, please: someone use gator and tell me all about it.

Reth Seth Snacks, other delicious things on the grill.

Recipes:

Swamplandia, by Karen Russell: Even alligator wrestlers grow up

Swamplandia!
Karen Russell
Vintage Books: New York, 2011
ISBN: 9780307276681

The indomitable Bigtree family has owned and operated Swamplandia!, an alligator wrestling amusement park in the Everglades for decades.  But changes come, as they must, when Hillola Bigtree, matriarch of the current tribe, dies suddenly of cancer, leaving her husband the Chief and their three teenage children, Kiwi, Osceola and Ava to continue running the fading park.  Kiwi, self-proclaimed genius, runs away to the mainland to work for the rival amusement park, ostensibly in the hopes of paying down the mounting debts of Swamplandia!, while Ossie becomes obsessed with the spirit world, convinced she can commune with her ghostly boyfriends.  Chief Bigtree heads to the mainland for an extended business trip leaving Ava and Ossie to run things in his absence.  Meanwhile, Ava, the baby of the family, struggles to accept her mothers death and to understand Ossie.  When Ossie runs away to elope with the ghostly Dredgeman, Ava sets out on a journey to save her that will challenge them all.  Part coming of age tale and part quest, to say this work sparkles with gorgeous descriptive language and crushes you with the sadness of a childhood ending is a vast understatement of Russell's considerable talent as an author.  A Pulitzer Prize finalist, the work is strongly recommended for older high school aged teens and adults for content, complexity in language, and some adult themes.

Poisoned Apple Gingerbread Cake (is fairy delicious)

Poisoned Apple Gingerbread Cake

Well, lords and ladies of your own kitchen tables, I made a magical recipe for my book club this month (the real one, not the one I fake started online to motivate myself and still haven't finished...).  We read a compilation of rewritten short fairy tales by Emma Donoghue, Kissing the Witch.  The book was fine - a great quick, LGBTQ reworking of 13 known stories - but the recipe, my friends, came to me in a vision sent by my very own fairy godmother: my stomach.

 

I mean, they're fairy tales, right?  We're all familiar with the ol'poisoned apple trick, right? And how you should never ever enter a gingerbread house if you find one in the woods, even if it smells really good and you're really, really hungry, right?  This also comes to mind.  Naturally, my mind first jumped to conclusions of a caramel apple nature, but I a) don't really like said caramel apples, and b) I wanted to make it poisoned...which in my mind equals booze.  In this case, rum, because rum+cake generally portend good things.   Judge away, teetoallers; this one is for you! I also really, really like gingerbread.  It's so good, you guys.  Double naturally, I just had to combine these things.  And so I did - behold, my glorious, beautiful, Poisoned Apple Gingerbread Cake!

Oh look!  It's my busted ugly stepsister of a Poisoned Apple Gingerbread Cake!

Errrrr...that is one busted ugly stepsister of a cake!  Guys, I think I got my yearly recipe collapse syndrome out on this one.  Or else an evil witch cursed me.  I'm inclined to go with the former, though.  Does anyone else suffer from this?  (I know some of you chocolate banana fiends just had a case of it!)  Like many Grimm fairy tales, this cake did not have an attractive ending.  Some of the cake decided to stay put in the Bundt pan, half came out, and the remaining pieces tragically fell into my mouth...

Poisoned Apple Gingerbread Cake
(so good I suspect it's laced with a love potion)

Long story short, this is a delicious, but super heavy and moist cake.  My oven also tends to overcook, and I was a little more proactive about not doing so, to the point where though it was cooked, it probably should have been a little more dried out, almost erring on the overcooked side (especially because you'll be adding more moisture at the end).   In the end, though I was sad it was a supremely unattractive cake, it almost worked.  I mean, it's supposed to be poisoned, right?  It looked pretty dodgy!  More importantly, the flavors more than make up for it. I'm pretty sure I actually laced it with a love potion, not poison, because it is so delicious, to the point where I ironically ate so much that I got a stomachache...from ginger. Luckily there are MANY fairy tale adaptations (some included below the recipe), that you can use it for many book clubs of your own - let me how yours turn out!

Tips and Notes:

- Don't mess around with preparing your pan.  Grease it up, and then generously flour it down.  Seriously.  Look at my cake.  I'm not joking.

- The next time I make this, I plan to sub in 1/2 cup of wheat flour to see if it helps dry things out a bit.  If you do, let us know how it turns out!

-  I used a combination of Blackstrap molasses and Corn Syrup, because that's what I had.  The original recipe suggests just using dark molasses.  Pick your poison (ba dum?).

- Make sure that the cake is well cooked.  Prick with a skewer to test, and when it comes out clean, give it approximately 5 more minutes.  I'm dead serious; there's a lot of liquid in this one.

- If you are lazy, you can mix the cake all in one bowl.  This might, however, be why the gods of Pastry and Dessert smote me...whatever.  If you want to mix it in multiple bowls, check out how Smitten Kitchen does it.

- I used Flor de Cana rum, straight from my Nicaraguan aventuras.  Use any rum, dark or light, you've got though!

- I used Fuji apples, and would recommend sticking with a sweet, slightly sturdy type that will soften but still hold the rum mix and some semblance of shape.  I consulted the Apple Lover's cookbook!

- I got this recipe from a holiday cookbook released by my graduate school; it had been adapted from Smitten Kitchen, where it had been adapted from the Gramercy Tavern.  I also looked at The Apple Lover's Cookbook, where there is a chaste and different version of an apple gingerbread cake, and The New Best Recipe, for rum glaze ideas (isn't anything involving rum subsequently glazed, especially your eyes?)

Poisoned Apple Gingerbread Cake

Poisoned Apple Gingerbread Cake

A Corner of White, by Jaclyn Moriarty: Oh, Cello there, you manic pixie dreambook!

A Corner of White
Jaclyn Moriarty
New York: Arthur A. Levine, 2013.
ISBN: 978-0-54539736-0
ARC copy via NetGalley

Realism and magical realism entwine to make beautiful music together in this enchanting first book in a planned trilogy by Jaclyn Moriarty.  In two cities populated by two quirky, endearing, supporting casts, two hugely likeable teenage protagonists grapple with missing people, life and familial changes, challenges, and adapting to them.   Serial runaway Madeleine has finally made it permanent by bringing her mother along.  She is struggling to adapt to her new life, and begins to worry about her mother’s health as she attempts to complete a home-school history assignment to channel Isaac Newton.  Town golden-boy Elliot, however, is eager to find his missing father, who disappeared in the same storm that killed his uncle.  He reluctantly agrees to delay his trip to help his mother prepare to rent his fathers shop to the strange newcomers to town.  Things begin to come together when each teen finds a mysterious letter, tucked away in an unlikely place, and begin the most unusual pen pal exchange ever to occur between the Land of Cello, and the world.  Playful, yet deeply thoughtful and well written, this is a unique and delightful novel.  Parts epistolary, narrative, fantasy, realism, it abandons genre and reader expectations and is wholly, whimsically, realistically, magically fantastic.  It is strongly recommended for both teens (grade 8 and up, but younger readers who can hang with complex plots with like this too) and adults.  

If you couldn’t tell, I maybe kind of really enjoyed this book.  I suspected I would; I have found Jaclyn Moriarty’s books to consistently be majorly delightful, and was pumped to have at A Corner of White.  You guys – she did not let me down.  In fact, I was so engrossed that I didn’t realize until about 60 pages that I had no idea how two such seemingly disparate stories would, or could even come together – and then was like I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE when she did, in a way that was very true to her previous books.  I won’t say any more to spoil it though!  I will say that there HAS to be something in the Australian water – yet again I’ve fallen for the charm from down under!

I took copious post-it notes, while reading this on a bus to and from Newark, NJ, to hang out with ¾ of the super fabulous Brown family (hi guys!).  Being that my copy came from NetGalley, this was a slightly weird process, whereby I stuck them all to the back of my Nook, and now can’t read them, because who writes legibly on a bus?  I’m also pretty sure a bunch of them fell out…because I swore there were more than four.  But I digress.

Pecan Pienana Bread

Pecan Pienana Bread

 I just finished reading a magical and delightful book (A Corner of White, by Jaclyn Moriarty), that left me craving banana bread, pecan pie, and assorted cakes.  Please note that I have never been a fan of pecan pie either (that is, until I met the Chocolate Bourbon Pecan Pie at Petsi Pies, but that's a story for another day, amigos).  But that Jaclyn Moriarty, mistress of words, chuckles, and quirky books turned into a tastebud tease! It seemed like half the book took place in some sort of bakery, and the other half involved meals and snacks.  Something was always in the oven and  I couldn't stop thinking about all the treats I was reading about!  

Unfortunately, as you're probably aware, my beloved hometown Boston had a rough last week.  We're a tough sort, us Massholes, and we made it through a very sad, scary Patriots Day and Boston Marathon, in addition to a really crazy, confusing, high stress multi-city lockdown with the same pluck, verve, and charm that has been beguiling New York sports teams into defeat for like, a century now.  Unfortunately, however, the bananas I left on my desk at work on Thursday to eat on Friday morning did not weather the lockdown and consequential 3 day weekend well.  But friends, when life gives you mostly rotting bananas, we Bostonians make lemonade.  Errrr, banana bread.  And because I'd been thinking about nothing else but the goodies in A Corner of White, I decided to combine the two to create a hot mess of an experimental yet magical dessert/coffee cake/hybrid that I'm calling Pecan Pienana Bread.  

I have to admit, I had no idea how this would turn out.  I've made banana bread a gajillion times, but I've never really gone in for making Pecan Pie, on account of not really liking it.  Shocking, I know.  I was hoping the topping would be a little runnier or have more of a solid crust across the top, but in the end it was more like a coffee cake. There are probably ways to alter it to really make it like a pecan pie filling sitting on top of banana bread, like waiting until the topping has entirely cooled to add the banana bread, or using some corn syrup, upping the butter, pecans, sugars, maybe even adding some rum, etc., but I like that pouring the banana bread in when it was still a little warm meant that it kind of created a crust down the sides and a ring on the top, avec un cake du cafe.  I don't have one, but imagine that it'll be easier to get the cake out (less fear of burns from hot caramelized things!) if you use a springform pan.  I often choose to use some whole wheat flour in many of my recipes because I like that it makes cakes and breads a bit more hearty, and almost lends a very light flavor of nuttiness.  That said, this will be more cake-like and a little lighter if you exclusively use all-purpose flour.  Don't worry too much about having perfectly mashed bananas, or little dark brown sugar balls; it adds some nice texture within the cake, especially as the topping and bread kind of bind together.  In a final note, I was rather distracted by the dread scourge of laundry, and overcooked my bread just a smidge.  Make sure it is a nice golden brown.  Not Tan Mom bronze, because that, friends, is hard to cut (but still tastes great!).  Anyways, enjoy this cake outside, on a lovely spring day, with a nice cup of tea and a copy of A Corner of White! 

Recipe below:

Dinner Train: The House of Mirth Arsenic and Old Lace Cookies

A fair warning: I’m going to spoil the end of The House of Mirth in describing why I chose to make these cookies, so if you don’t want to be spoiled and only care about the recipe, scroll down to the recipe, which contains no spoilers, just recipe.  You’ve been fairly warned!

Arsenic?  Or sugar?

As those of us who have read The House of Mirth are well aware, it doesn’t exactly end well for our girl, Lily Bart.  While there’s some controversy as to whether she meant to overdose on sleeping pills or if it was accidental, she tragically does, right before George Selden comes to propose.   Ice cold, Edith Wharton.  (But as I note in my review, I doubt it would have made difference to Lily anyways; I believe she was just done.)  Needless to say, short of like, tea and finger sandwiches, I wasn’t quite sure what to make for this that wouldn’t be kind of expected or appropriate to the book and time, or that was something I’d kind of already done (see the ladies tea party/picnic menu for The Anne of Green Gables).  There is so much opulent elegance that I initially thought I’d do something like Madeleines, but that just also seemed too obvious.  And then it struck me: Lace cookies.  These ladies love them some lace!  And this is an old book!  Even better, I could be inappropriate and make them a little trite, and go all out for The House of Mirth by filling them with “arsenic,” and call them Arsenic and Old Lace Cookies.  It’s a little tongue in cheek, but you know you liked it. 

Bashing the bejesus out of sugar cubes: strangely satisfying.

My secret ingredient: arsenic.  MWAHA. 

 There are a ton of recipes out there for Lace Cookies; they seem to tend to be primarily comprised of butter, sugar, and some sort of oatmeal/flower starch to bind the sugars.  I set my stomach on this one, and then, as per, went a little off the rails.  I chose to use almond extract to give mine a little bit of flavor that struck me as ladies who tea appropriate.  In order to channel the arsenic, I knew I needed a white crunchy sugar.

These Arsenic and Old Lace cookies are ready for a hot date with the oven.

I mean, I think…having never actually seen arsenic in the flesh.  I’d heard of this magical sugar called Pearl Sugar; it allegedly holds both its shape and opacity as it cooks, giving whatever it is added to a nice white crunch.  I went to three grocery stores to attempt to get the mythical pearl sugar I’d heard of, and struck out three times.  When I realized I was up a creek without a paddle, I decided to go rogue and use lightly crushed sugar cubes to get the same effect.  I cut the sugar in the recipe, and used the same amount to be stirred in as arsenic chunks.  It turned out mostly okay, but I may have been a little over zealous in my crushing efforts, so the chunks didn’t hold as well as I’d envisioned.   I’d still recommend the pearl sugar, which I have since learned can be ordered online.   SIGH.  Anyways, give these plenty of time to dry out, cool, and crisp up, and enjoy them with a nice cup of tea.  I think Lily Bart would agree that they’re kind of addictive (too soon?).

Arsenic and Old Lace Cookies and a 1905 illustrated copy of the book
Dinner Train Book Club recipe for The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton

Arsenic and Old Lace Cookies

(makes about 2-3 dozen)

Dinner Train Book Club: The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton

My illustrated 1905 library discard copy of
The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
and some Arsenic and Old Lace cookies

The House of Mirth
Edith Wharton
Charles Scribner's Sons: New York, 1905

Lily Bart is a Guilded Age socialite; though her bankrupt parents have died leaving her only a small inheritance, she has a wealthy elderly aunt who gives her an allowance and provides her with the wardrobe she needs to fit in with the right set.  Lily spends most of her time as women of her time do; vacationing at the country mansions of her friends, taking tea, and paying social visits., and her aunt is not growing younger.  At age “nine and twenty,” Lily’s own funds are running out, her aunt is not getting any younger, and she is growing desperate to shed the miss title and become a misses.  She begins to gamble, both literally and socially to maintain her lifestyle and appearances. After a chance meeting leads to taking tea with journalist George Selden, a favorite of her set, Lily finds herself conflicted for the first time, realizing that what her heart and brain want might not add up.  She wants the easy, comfortable, socialite life to which she is accustomed, but is fast realizing the price she will pay as the unquestioning wife of the man who provides her with it may not be worth it.   

Buddies, this won’t be short.  I suggest you grab yourself a freshly made Arsenic and Old Lace cookie, make a cup of George Selden’s caravan tea (whatever that is), and get settled in.

Dinner Train Book Club: Catch-22, by Joseph Heller

Catch-22 is a book I somehow managed to avoid reading all throughout high school, despite the fact that it seems like one of those ubiquitous English class requirements.  In fact, most of the books riding the Dinner Train seem to fall into this category... This, however, may be the first one I actually feel some regret over not having read in a high school classroom, mostly because there is so much going on that I'd like to have an English teacher steering me in the making-sense-of-it-all direction!  I'm not going to do a summary of this title; this review is what it is.  I guarantee there is no shortage of book reviews, reports, or analytical essays on the interwebs you can read up on, probably written by brighter teenage minds than mine. 

I will say this though: Catch-22 took me a while to get into.  It takes a while to accept that things jump around and give the Latin American Magical Realists a run for their confusing money.  But once you suspend all structural expectations, things begin to make sense as you realize the brilliance of this book.  Heartbreaking, funny, and poignant, it gives a sense of the suspension of reality that colors war - because that is the only way to process and survive the horrors of the experience, and depart from normal ethics and morals (for something similar, read Yellow Birds).  It is also hilarious and wry; you can tell that Joseph Heller experienced many of the ludicrous things that befall his characters, like Milo's black market empire, the soap in the sweet potatoes, or the cyclical conversations that start, end, and start again in the same place (I'm looking at you, Colonel Cathcart).  Yossarian is a brilliant, irrascible everyman, but probably my favorite character is the Chaplain.  I just want to give him a hug.  Incidentally, these ludicrous happenstances are what shaped my decision to make the recipe I wound up (finally) making, something I'm being cute and calling Yossarian's Soapy Sweet Potato Bread, but more formally calling Rosemary Sweet Potato Olive Bread with Feta and Artichokes.  So, RSPOBFA? Awful.  

In short, if you are like me and have never read this, I'd say it is well worth your time.  If only to be seen looking really smart with the iconic cover!  I will caution you that there are some vivid descriptions of battle wounds, but it is a World War II novel, not Shel Silverstein's Hug of War.  If you can't figure out what that means...this may not be the book for you.  Enjoy this book with some Italian food, a loaf of RSPOBFA bread, wine, cold beer and sunshine, or your own version of soapy sweet potatoes. 

Dinner Train Book Club: The Phantom Tollbooth

 Hey friends...remember when I had a goal of reading 12 books I hadn't read ever, and writing recipes for all of them for your, my, our book club enjoyment?  Well...I have made it through 10.  And am slowly making my way through creating recipes for the rest!  Today, I give you the September pick: the Phantom Tollhouse.  Big, huge, resounding high-five to Hannah, who was willing to participate, even if it meant we didn't talk about the book, and instead she was forced to help cook and do my dishes.  Thanks, Hannah! Enjoy the recipe for The Phantom Tollbooth Synonym Buns (aka Pumpkin Cinnamon Sticky Buns), and my nonsense review of the book, below. 

Due to the fact that I might be the only person I know to have never read this, I'm going to do away with summarizing something you all pretty much know about.  Okay, well for those weirdos like me, it's about a boy named Milo, who is very bored.  When he discovers a magic tollbooth in his bedroom, he drives his toy car through to stave of said boredom, and finds himself on a great adventure, jumping around from the Island of Conclusions to the country of Dictionopolis, to the Doldrums, and to the country of Digitopolis, among others.  He meets a cast of unusual yet wise characters, saves Rhyme and Reason, and staves off his boredom, in under 256 partially illustrated pages.

Well, my friends, I really wanted to love this one.  I didn't not like it - in fact, I did like it.  I think it is possible I'm too much of a grownup cynic for the Phantom Tollbooth.  There were, however, moments, I did love!  I thought the book was overall, rather smart, clever, and at times, wry, in considering the youthful target audience.  It did feel a little, ahem, obvious as an adult, but hey - I see what you did there, Norton Juster (Seriously, is that a name or what?).  I loved the ample illustration, dispersed throughout the text.  There was a plethora of food to choose from, so I was torn between Digitopolis Alphabet Soup or Synonym Buns (mwaha!).  But mostly, I loved that despite the outlandish cast of characters, this is ultimately a story of simplicity - a exploratory journey that starts and ends in Milo's bedroom.  Is that a spoiler?  Whatever.  Truthfully though, I love this line:

Whether or not you find your own way, you're bound to find some way. (p. 20)

Hear, hear, Norton Juster!

And while we're at it, I recommend you find your way to at least three of these Synonym Buns (Pumpkin Cinnamon Sticky Buns):

What is a synonym for delicious?

 

Dinner Train: The Phantom Tollbooth Synonym Buns (Pumpkin Cinnamon Sticky Buns)

Pumpkin Cinnamon Sticky Buns
aka Phantom Tollbooth Synonym Buns

Pumpkin Cinnamon Sticky Buns or Synonym Buns?

I've been thinking about making the synonym buns in Phantom Tollbooth come to life since I read the sentence, while sitting outside on the grass with a cup of coffee, back in the fall when everything is pumpkin flavored and smells of fall.  If you haven't been paying attention, I live in Boston, where there is a fairly well-known bakery I've a little embarrassingly somehow never visited, named Flour, which is known for having the best sticky buns this side of the sun (aka, in the universe, since the Mars rover has, as yet, failed to discover traces of stick bun in the soil).   Since it has taken nearly 5 months to make this happen, I've had plenty of time to find out if there are riffs on Joanne Chang's original Flour recipe, specifically in the pumpkin area.  And there are, especially the one from With Fork and Knife!  Smitten Kitchen also had a great recipe, but it was more in the cinnamon buns family, and I wanted to make them as sinfully syn-y as possible.  Hence, I married the two recipes, added some bourbon, and now need to go for a five mile run so I don't feel guilty when I eat four more...

Pumpkin Cinnamon Sticky Buns
aka Synonym Buns

Some notes: 
I used a combo of bread and cake flour because I was very low on all-purpose flour, which was a moot point when my first two yeast packets were duds.  Smitten Kitchen recommends that you test it by adding it to your warmed milk, waiting a few minutes, and checking to see if its a bit foamy.  Frankly, my first two packets did nothing.  I had to go back out to the grocery store to get a whole new batch, which then proceeded to basically do almost the same thing, except be a little more putty colored.  I proceeded, and it was fine.  Basically, just make sure you get fresh yeast to be on the safe side.  Because this is a book club for grown ups, I thought we could handle a little bourbon in the topping.  I have doubled the portion in the recipe below, as I used one Tbsp, and there was not even a hint of it in the complete batch.  I recommend serving this with a strong cup of coffee, some yogurt or eggs, and some good friends!  Or, say, on a great adventure to Dictionopolis in your toy car. 

Ingredients

Adapted from both Smitten Kitchen and With Fork and Knife
Makes approximately 16 buns

Dough
6 Tbsp unsalted butter
1/2 cup warmed whole milk
2 1/4 tsp active dry yeast (aka one .25 oz packet)
3 1/2 cups flour (all purpose, or bread)
1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 tsp table salt
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground ginger
2/3 cup pumpkin puree
1 large egg at room temperature

Filling
1/4 cup pumpkin puree
2 Tbsp brown sugar
2 Tbsp granulated sugar
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground allspice
1/4 cup crushed walnuts

Topping
6 Tbsp unsalted butter
1 stick of cinnamon
1/2 cup packed dark brown sugar
3 Tbsp honey
3 Tbsp heavy cream
2 Tbsp bourbon
a pinch of salt
1/3 cup crushed walnuts

Directions

1. Let's start with the dough!  Melt your butter over medium-low on a burner, waiting until it turns a nice chestnut brown.  Let it cool to a liquid, but it is okay if it is warm enough to keep it in a liquid state.
2.  Meanwhile, slightly warm your milk so it is warm, not hot.  You're not making a latte here!  Add the packet of yeast, stir to incorporate and let sit for 5-7 minutes, at which time it should be theoretically a little frothy.  If it is the same color, and there is limited to no action going on (ie, hasn't even turned a very light shade of putty), pour it out and try again with a newer packet of yeast.
3.  In a large bowl, mix the flour, sugars, and spices, and add in the butter, milk, pumpkin, and egg.  Combine with either a dough hook in a stand mixer, or get in there with your hands, getting the mix as combined as you can and into one ball.  Place it in a separated bowl that has been oiled, cover, and let rest in a warm, draft free place for at least an hour, until it has doubled in size.  Knead very briefly, recover, and refrigerate overnight or for at least six hours.  It will grow even more!

Pre-rise

After 1 hour

10ish hours later!

4.  Remove the dough from the oven to get to a comfortable room temperature as you begin to prepare the topping and filling.
5.  Let's start your topping.  In a saucepan over medium-low, melt your butter with a cinnamon stick.  When it reaches a liquid state, whisk in brown sugar until combined (you may need to take out the stick and then put it back in).  When combined, whisk in honey, cream, bourbon, and salt until combined, and let rest.  Reserve the nuts for later.
6.  In yet another bowl let's do some filling mixture, combine all topping ingredients except for nuts.  Done.
7.  When you are done with all this, your dough should probably have reached a decent temperature, andsothen it is time to roll it out.  Sprinkle your rolling surface liberally with flour, grab a rolling pin, and work out your aggression on the dough.  It should be about a quarter of an inch think, and somewhat rectangular in shape for ease in rolling.

8.  Schmear your filling all over that piece, and then sprinkle your crushed nuts liberally across the surface.  Please don't judge me for that sentence.

9.  Let me see your tootsie roll!  Get a firm, but gentle roll going, pressing lightly at the end to quasi-seal it.  Then, gently slice your roll into approximately 16 similarly sized pieces.

Rolling the buns

Slice with a firm, but gentle hand

They won't all be perfectly sized, but at least they'll taste the same!

10.  Butter the sides of your baking vessel, remembering there needs to be space for the rolls to continue to rise - as in, you may need more than one pan (I used two circular cake pans).  Now you can pour your slightly cooled but still liquid topping in, and sprinkle with the remaining crushed walnuts.  Place your buns in the pan, leaving enough room for them to expand.  Let rest for at least 45 minutes.  Patience is hard, I know.  Sometime in there, preheat your oven to 350.  

Preparing the topping in the baking pans

Make sure to leave room between the buns when you place them in the pan - they will grow!

Resting for 45 minutes on the pre-heating stove

I told you they'd grow!

11.  Bake for approximately 30 minutes or until buns are firm to the touch.  Let cool for approximately five minutes, and serve hot.  If you have a dish that fits, I'd recommend just turning the pan upside down to let the liquid topping drip down.

Pumpkin Cinnamon Sticky Buns
aka Synomyn Buns

12.  Serve with good friends, strong coffee, maybe some protein, but mostly, with fellow adult nerds who enjoy children's books...methinks this one will also be a big hit with children of the real live variety as well (who probably don't need that coffee as much as you will if they have it).

Dinner Train Book Club: Little Women

Well, you can revoke my license to be a lady. 

In the interest of full disclosure, this was not the first time I've tried and failed to read/finish Little Women...that's right, I did not finish this children's novel.  I did, however, read to the point where Alcott's all "Oh hey reader-guys, if you like this, TELL MY EDITOR.  You know, so I can publish the end."  I felt that was a fair place to end - especially because I spent most of the book wondering when Beth was going to die already (thanks to the Winona Rider/Christian Bale movie for that one).  I would have given a spoiler alert, but I suspect I'm the only adult woman in the country who would be reading a librarian's blog to have not read this.  For this reason, and because hello, we both know the Internets have no shortage for squeefilled reviews of this one, I'm going to refrain from sharing too many thoughts.  But I will say that this is a book FILLED with food, though kind of old timey things that there was no way I was making.  Blancmange?  Get real, Jo.  That sounds unappetizing - it actually sounds like a skin disease to me.   I totally still made a cheese plate based on it though...But more on food below.

It was so rainy, rainier
than Old Man Laurence's
eyeballs when Beth
(finally) dies.

Additionally, because I did see the movie, I'll admit that I felt really weird about picturing longtime crush Christian Bale as a 12-year-old boy, or however old he is at the start - even though who doesn't have a childhood crush on Laurie?  Get it together, Jo.  Also, Amy is still a twit.  And Beth, I'm sorry, because you do die for being good...but what. the. flip.  Grow a pair.  Also, your doll parties are kind of lame.  I think we should introduce you to Anne of Green Gables.  And Meg?  Well, being the oldest is hard, so Ima cut her some slack, but she could use a self-confidence pep-talk.   Jo?  I mean...she's really not of her time, and she did make me snicker with the crusty old aunt, but gawwwwwd.  Stop being so contrary and archetypal!  Laurie is a babe!  Get some!

Thank you to Bean, Sam, Arianna, Bailey, and Lisa (who came all the way from Philly), who all came out on a supremely rainy spring day to eat some salty strawberries!  We had a great time, and even better discussion.  Topics that I remember covering included if this is the first YA (intentionally, unintentionally, or not at all), the feminist vibes, the book being ahead of its time, the cuteness of Laurie, and why it takes forever for Beth to die (okay, that's all me).

Also...I had this book club meeting on June 2nd.  JUDGE AWAY.

Dinner Train Book Club: Little Women Recipes

•  Lemonade

Marmee hits this stuff hard when the girls go to bed.

• Blancmange-y Cheese and Crackers

Way less gross looking than real blancmange

• Sesame Asparagus Noodle Salad

• Salty Strawberry Crumble (Bonus: Cold Pockets)