The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas: A Dumas can Count, needs editor

The Count of Monte Cristo, 

by Alexandre Dumas

Nook Book copy, originally published 1845

 A few weeks late, but here it finally is: my epic rant (could be a lot worse) on the epic word count that is The Count of Monte Cristo:

Once upon a time, in ye olde Napoleonic France, there was a young sailor named Edmund Dantes.  Everything was turning up Edmund:  his hawt girlfriend Mercedes said she’d marry him with two days notice, he was earning enough to take cake of his pop, and he was up for a big promotion to be captain on his boat.  But poor, silly Captain Oblivious, with his one-track mind (did I mention Mercedes was hawt?) failed to see that he was making a lot of dudes jealous.  Dudes like Mercedes’ cousin Ferdinand, who creepily wants a piece, and Danglars (Danglers in my reading), who can’t stand that a teenage boy is more successful than him.   Conspiring with Edmunds drunk tailor neighbor Caderousse, Danglers proves how low he dangles when he more or less manipulates Ferdinand into mailing an anonymous letter stating that Edmund was making nice with Napoleon (currently locked away on an island – kind of a theme in this book/French history).  

Since the monarchists hate Napoleon and his crazy expansionist ideas, Edmund is arrested at his rehearsal dinner or something like it, and continues to have crappy luck:  his judge?  Villefort.  Like Danglers, his name kind of tells us that he’s vile.  Villefort is an unabashed social climber who has daddy issues and has taken another family name so as not to be associated with his Napoleon supporting daddy, Noirtier.  Which means when he reads the “evidence” against Edmund, he freaks the eff out because he’s afraid it’ll link him to his daddy.  So he a) tricks Edmund’s boss into creating false evidence that winds up being used to indict Edmund, and then b) he locks up Edmund in a crappy 18^th century prison on an island in the harbor and throws away the key.  You know, as you do.  

        So now that we know the system is corrupt, Captain Obvious (Edmund) is locked away to rot in solitary for years and years and years.  Thus commences about 400 pages of quivering, gnashing of teeth, moaning, etc.  You know, being pissed you’re in prison.  He does the usual stuff, like try to kill himself, and then after like five or so years of this decides to plan his revenge.  About this time he realizes he can totally hear his wallmate up to something.  Turns out this something is building a series of secret tunnels.  You know, as you do in a prison escape plot.  Edmund and his new buddy, the Abbe, make friends; the Abbe teaches Edmund like six languages and explains to him what anyone else would have picked up on: Edmund got thrown under the bus.  Poor, silly Edmund.  Luckily, when he gets angry, he gets smart.  The Abbe is assumed to be crazy because he claims to have a billion and five dollars in like, Roman coins hidden somewhere.  Edmund, being Edmund, is the only one to believe him, but only after there are lots of long speeches about how they are now besties and like father and son, and oh, I will adopt you and make you my heir with my words.  So then the Abbe gets sick and dies.  Edmund finally shows a glimmer of individual intelligence and switches places with his body to escape.  

Froi of the Exiles, by Melina Marchetta: Charyn't you glad it's got no froibles?

Froi of the Exiles, 

by Melina Marchetta

ARC from Candlewick, available 3/13/12

Three years have passed since Finnikin and Isaboe ended the Lumateran curse and exile and began rebuilding their country.  Now nearly 18, Froi has spent these years helping rebuild Lumatere and training with the Queen’s guard, both to mind his temper and to train to fulfill his promise to protect his queen.   Foreign relations are tense due to the long suspected role of Charyn in the Lumateran exile; to complicate matters, Charyn refugees are flooding the Lumateran valley on their border.  Fluent in Charnyite, Froi is given a secret mission infiltrate the desert country, impersonate a noble, and assassinate their king.  However, not even the trainings of the Guard could prepare him for what he discovers in the treacherous Charyn royal court.  Charyn has a curse of its own: no children have been born or even conceived in 18 years.  Charyn’s insane princess, Quintana, claims to be the only one to be able to break the curse.  However, Froi is strangely drawn to Quintana, who has become a victim of the curse, and to the Charnynite people, hesitating in his mission as his resolve to protect her and help Charyn find peace strengthens.  This wholly engrossing and beautifully constructed novel is filled with intrigue, dark humor, mystery, adventure, engaging new characters, and visits with old Lumateran friends.  More political thriller than pure fantasy, due to plot complexity and some sexual violence it is recommended to high school students and adults.   As a reader caveat, this novel ends on an excruciating cliffhanger! 

Hold your breath (or don’t is probably a wiser idea), because here comes a loooong review: 

Recipe 30: Greek Lemon, Chicken, and Orzo Soup (for the soul)

I'd like to preface this by saying, YES.  I KNOW.  I know I haven't done a book review in...oh...2012.  I've got four coming your way: Monte Cristo, Blood Red Road, and (SQUEE) Froi!  I'll get on that just as soon as I get over the heady rush of freedom being done with The Count of Monte Cristo has afforded me! As a quick reminder, February's Dinner Train book club book is Anne of Green Gables. 

This is all you need to
make this soup.
No joke.  Simple!

When I was in middle school, I really really really fell for the Chicken Soup for the Soul books.  You know, specifically the stories where pets/people/relationships die horrible, slow, tragic deaths.  I should be embarrassed, doubly so by the fact that I tended to dramatically and theatrically cry while reading them, but considering my bowl cut, braces, and giant red glasses, I've got larger middle school embarrassment traumas to fry.  But even now, fully aware of what a melodramatic nerd individual I was, I think we can all admit that everyone needs a dash of chicken soup every now and then.  Even you, vegetarians (I'm trying to do Veguary, but having a hard time - it's the SUPERBOWL for crying out loud!)  If you are feeling at all under the weather, eat. this. soup.  Seriously.  It's like all the vitamin C of sucking on a lemon, but way more enjoyable!  Plus, you get some chicken, some orzo, some espinaca, etc.  It's also sinfully easy to make, particularly if you have leftover chicken on hand.  It is so easy to make, I made it a few weeks ago when my throat decided to set itself, my eyeballs, and my sinuses on fire! 

You weren't seeing things.
MY EGGS WERE BLUE. 

I used the actual recipe requirements of orzo, but have made the same with egg noodles and other pastas, though the shorter the noodle the better.  The best part about this soup is that it makes a bunch.  I froze half, which means the next time I am sick I don't have to do anything besides defrost!  Bring it on, seasonal cold and flu!  This recipe comes from the New England Soup Factory.  I always add more spinach than necessary, because I love it.  Because I am in a life-long quest to become a loveable eccentric, I chose to use blue eggs.  YES.  BLUE.  You know you are excited by their existence too (they taste the same, but will excite you twice as much).  You can probably make it vegetarian by using vegetarian stock and tofu cubes.  I bet it would be tasty!  Because of the highly acidic brightness of this soup, I recommend serving with a nice whole grain bread to tone it down just a smidge.  

Yellow is my favorite color; this is my favorite chicken soup.
This bowl choice was totally premeditated.

Greek Lemon Chicken and Orzo Soup

via The New England Soup Factory Cookbook

Serves about 6-8

Blue is GLOWING from his healthy dose of Vitamin C,
courtesy of this Greek Lemon, Chicken, and Orzo Soup!

Ingredients

10 cups chicken stock (2.5 qts)

1 cup orzo

4 eggs lightly beaten with a fork

2 lemons worth zest

3 lemons worth juice

1 cup coarsely chopped cooked chicken (about a pound)

1 16 oz bag fresh spinach

salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1.  Bring your chicken stock to boil in your Le Creuset over high heat; you may cover slightly but leave the lid a bit open so it doesn't boil over.

2.  When the stock has reached a boil, add the orzo and cook it for approximately 5 minutes.

3.  Stirring constantly, drizzle in your beaten eggs and continue to stir the mix for at least thirty seconds after all eggs have been incorporated; the eggs will immediately cook into threads.

4.  Add lemon juice and zest, chicken, spinach, salt, and pepper.

5.  Once incorporated, remove from heat immediately and serve to your hungry and overtasked white blood cells.  Yummmmm.

Tidbits: I'd like to hear Maurice Sendak's thoughts on these Disney Princes (and more)

• It's a little embarrassing that I haven't gushed about Melina Marchetta in 2012.  It's almost February.  Clearly I'm letting myself go!  FEAR NOT.  An exciting review is in the works, but to tide you over until my next author-crush ramble, she's taken matters into her own hands and updated her website. 
  
• As this month is sponsored by The Count of Monte Cristo, revenge, and the letter J for January, I bring you my new fake nemesis:  Paul Scharner, professional "footballer" (soccer, Americans) and fan of the very book I have sworn to seek revenge upon!  Psshhh.  How could I NOT declare him my nemesis, with hair like this?  Paul and his dastardly football buddies are taking part in the actually highly admirable Premier League literacy drive to help English children learn to read good, and have picked their favorite children's and adult books.  In all seriousness though, I think anything to encourage literacy is high admirable.  Even if you have stupid hair and like The Count of Monte Cristo (150 pages to go before February...).  Thank you Chris for the heads up!  
  
• If you love Ezra Jack Keat's classic children's story, The Snowy Day, check out this NPR story.  I particularly love the photo series of the child that inspired the character Peter.  AND you can listen to Lavar Burton read it to you!  (Butterfly in the skkkkky...thanks to Julia for the heads up!)
  
• Enjoy this ridiculously comprehensive guide to literary tattoos over at Publisher's Weekly. 
  
• And also there, this run-down of movies based on books in the upcoming year.  I still fail to understand why Gatsby is going 3D. 
  
• Did you see Maurice Sendak, brilliant and begrudging mega-children's literature star on the Colbert Report?  (Part 1, Part 2) I would pay cash monies for a Colbert/Sendak picture book.  I especially loved the censorship campaign on the nudity in In the Night Kitchen.  If only censorship were normally that amusing!  If you're looking to get weepy, I recommend listening to the most recent Fresh Air interview with Sendak. 
  
• Annnnd finally, here is the greatest thing I've seen all day:  Disney princes do the cover of men's magazines.  I totally enjoy the related articles on the covers.  My favorite is totally this one:
  
  

Tidbits: 2 for 5 on the Printz, Panem is a pretty map?

• GUYS.  I gleefully report my excellent taste in books to you.  Since I've become lazy exclusive with my book reviews (only posting those that I love or hate), I am tickled to note that two of my favorite books of the year were named 2012 Printz Honor Books.  Plus, at work we totally just happened to have purchased a third.  2/5 personal reads and 3/5 titles at work is a darn good ratio, considering in certain years (I'm looking at you 2010) I've been rocking more of a 0/5 ratio.  But enough with me being an egomaniacal soothsayer.  The books this year either sound great, or are straight up great.   Perhaps if I ever finish Monte Cristo, I will pick up the other three!  If you want to know more about my two personal picks, here are the links to the reviews:
• The Scorpio Races, by Maggie Stiefvater: The book I set out to hate but fell in love with instead.  
• Jasper Jones, by Craig Silvey:  I retrospectively realize I haven't talked this one up enough, probably because I read it before leaving the country to speak Spanish for a month.  Do yourself a favor and read this gorgeous book.  Best sidekick of the year!  Same sleepy town on the brink of social changes vibes as to Kill a Mockinbird!  Hilarious and yet heartbreaking!  Get at it, team.  I like to think the Printz judges took my Printz dinner party advice...
• Look you guys, a map of Panem!  To me, it looks like the NBC Peacock and a hurricane map had a baby over North America.  Here is more about the process of creating the map.