These Shallow Graves, by Jennifer Donnelly: when good girls go jouralist

These Shallow Graves

Jennifer Donnelly

Delacorte, 2015

NetGalley advance digital copy

In picking this book up, I will admit to hoping it would be a book with a mix of costume drama, drama, some historically inappropriate heat, a smidge of feminsim, smoldering gazes, more costumes, and a dramatic plot twist or fifteen.  Basically, I was hoping for the Luxe meets House of Mirth meets Newsies meets sexy gilded age crime thriller murder fun times.  Or something like that.  I mean, doesn’t the publisher summary lead you to believe this?

Jo Montfort is beautiful and rich, and soon—like all the girls in her class—she’ll graduate from finishing school and be married off to a wealthy bachelor. Which is the last thing she wants. Jo dreams of becoming a writer—a newspaper reporter like the trailblazing Nellie Bly. Wild aspirations aside, Jo’s life seems perfect until tragedy strikes: her father is found dead. Charles Montfort shot himself while cleaning his pistol. One of New York City’s wealthiest men, he owned a newspaper and was a partner in a massive shipping firm, and Jo knows he was far too smart to clean a loaded gun. The more Jo hears about her father’s death, the more something feels wrong. Suicide is the only logical explanation, and of course people have started talking, but Jo’s father would never have resorted to that. And then she meets Eddie—a young, smart, infuriatingly handsome reporter at her father’s newspaper—and it becomes all too clear how much she stands to lose if she keeps searching for the truth. But now it might be too late to stop. The past never stays buried forever. Life is dirtier than Jo Montfort could ever have imagined, and this time the truth is the dirtiest part of all.  (Random House summary on NetGalley)

DUM DEE DUM DUM DUMMMMMM.  (Mathnet theme music, anyone?)

I probbbbably read toooo much into this, led by my hope for a delightfully costumed scandal novel I could rip through.   I’ll cop to believing (or hoping) this would be darker, more serious, and more mature, so I was a bit perturbed to discover the treacle in my treacle tart a bit sweeter and perhaps corn syrupy than I'd hoped for.  However, I when I got around to rearranging my expectations, I found that  I was enjoying myself enjoying this turn of the century book on society, news, and unexpectedly, forensic science. Yes, forensic science. Which was actually a pleasant albeit gross surprise.  So...it was definitely not totally historically accurate on that count, nor were the dialogue or actions of the primary characters.  This is a really fun, exciting, feminist story - perhaps a bit more than would have been realistic, but feminist, nonetheless.  The writing, dialogue and pace can be choppy, and at times the historian inside was rolling her eyes at those points, but overall, it's a really fun story, with likable characters, interesting social commentary, and lots of smoldering intrigue. In fact, weirdly, I’d actually rate the Luxe, despite the obvious wayyy over the top sexytimes as slightly more historically appropriate.  But whatever.  If you want a smutty costume drama book, read the Luxe.  Good for fans of Newsies, or those still recovering from the devastation of the House of Mirth who hoped against logic it would end differently!  I’m wondering if some recently published titles (like Sarah Donati’s The Gilded Hour) might scratch the itch I was looking to scratch when I picked this one in August!

To Marry An English Lord, by Gail MacColl: A Step By Step Guide for Downton Fangirls

To Marry An English Lord
by Gail MacColl and Carol McD. Wallace
Workman’s Publishing Company, Inc.: New York, 2012
ISBN: 978-0-7611-7195-9


If we hold these truths to be self-evident, it is evident that this self does not read nearly enough books that are true.   I mean…I’m rocking a one-a-year ratio.  Which is better than a none-a-year ratio, but it’s not like my brain is on a truth-avoiding diet, avec Fox News.  There’s just so many books, so little time to read them all.   Am I right or am I right, you guys?

Another reason I don’t have nearly enough time to read truthy things is because I’m busy watching them.  You’ve probably heard of a show called Downton Abbey.  It is TOTALLY truthy, you guys.  Everyone got Pamuked all the time, changed outfits with the help of the help seventeen times a day, and all lived in giant Abbeys in ye olde Eduardian England, right?   Anyways, I digress from my mission of truth.  My point here?  I totally dig Downton Abbey.

Naturally, I was filled with glee when I stumbled upon the book that claims to be the inspirational reading for Downton Abbey architect creator Julian Fellowes.  I was doubly filled with glee when I realized it both is filled with history AND reads kind of like an extensive gossip column, filled with turn of the century posed celebrity photos (the more things change, the more they stay the same, huh?).  History? Fashion?  Drama? Gossip?  Lady nerd red alert!

Guys.  Let’s just say I know it’s a bad idea, but I kind of would like to spend an afternoon prancing around in Charles Worth dress as my parents sell me into a loveless marriage with a very old and very gouty British Lord/Prince/Knight for a title and drafty castle.*   I’ll even grin and let them tighten my corset!

But in all seriousness, while the book was a little chatty Cathy in regards to history, it does have a lot of interesting, historical, human stories and the upper crust social history of New York, London, and Newport.  It took me a surprisingly long time to read, given that a solid quarter is pictures or page long foot-notey anecdotes about things like indoor plumbing, King Alfred’s fashions, Newport, and home redesign (obvi, I was hooked).  I mean…this book is not hard, and it had me at hello.  And while I questioned the chatty factuality of it throughout, the doubts of my inner high school librarian were assuaged by the extensive bibliography at the end.  In short, I am a fan of this book.  And Downton Abbey.  Together as a gift (big tip here dudes), they will make a lady in your life who is a nerd very happy this holiday season.  If you're looking for YA double fan points?  Throw in the super high-brow (sarcasm, but seriously, fun) The Luxe.

 Doubleplusgood (so I just read 1984, what of it?)…Julian Fellowes is allegedly creating a Guilded Age costume drama series in America, aka Newport – which I’ve been longing for since attending a conference in Newport when Season 2 of DA was airing last year.  It’s a no brainer.  The audience for it is Vander-built.  Annnnd I’m out.


*But if Prince Harry is available…

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, by Cassandra Clare - Come the Eff On, Clary

That is not the jaw of a teenager.
Just sayin'...

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones
by Cassandra Clare
Margaret K. McElderry Books: New York, 2007
ISBN: 978-1-4169-5507-8

When Clary interrupts what she thinks is a nightclub fight, she finds herself instead in a closet, with one demon and three tattoo-covered, gorgeous teenagers trying to kill it.  Clary has discovered the world of the Shadowhunters, human warriors fighting to rid the earth of demons, and they have discovered that she is not just a regular non-magical mundane human; she can see them and the demon.  In the course of the next day, Clary’s world is turned upside down and she is swept into the company of the cute and flirtatious Shadowhunter, Jace, when her mother is abducted, and she is attacked by a demon.  Clary begins to discover that she, and her mother, are not the ordinary people she thought; Clary has been a part of the Shadowhunter world for longer than she can remember.  Though the writing and plot of this book, the first in the Mortal Instruments series, is often overwrought, it is fast-paced, engaging, and fun to read.  It is recommended for grades 6-9.  Libraries will be advised to keep a copy of this popular title on hand; there is potential for this to be adapted into a movie.

In the interest of not being a huge jerk, I’m including this disclaimer: this book drove me a bit insane.  There are a number of reasons, which I will get into in a minute (the vast majority caused me to work a “come the [EFF] on, Bridget,” face, so I think you too will delight in a Monday eye roll).  However, I will say this about this series.  I totally get why kids (mostly girls, but definitely some boys) of a certain age (middle/lower high school grades) go bananas for these books and why they are on the New York Time Bestseller list, like permanently.  Frankly, it’s probably the reason I go gaga for Diana Gabaldon, or am eagerly awaiting the sequel to A Discovery of Witches.  The story is action packed, the twists are twisty, the OH-SNAPS are snappy, the boys are all hawt, the girls are all gorgeous, crazy supernatural things occur, and it takes place in a high-stakes cool parallel world, one that you kind of want to visit.  It’s a roller-coaster movie ride, and it’s a really fun book (series).  If you are an adult like me, you are excited for this book to be adapted as a movie (rights have been optioned, actors cast), because you see there is a lot of potential for an awesome movie-drinking game.  And honestly, while it is $0.99 on an e-Reader of your choice, why not?  It's a light read for summer. 

For me though…the book wasn’t quite enough.  It’s possible that I judged it more harshly than I would have otherwise, coming off of a book that also has fantasy, romance, excitement, and supernatural weird angels – Daughter of Smoke and Bone.  But where DSB soars, City of Bones is still learning to crawl.   This is not a well written, edited, nor entirely original book.  Again, it is fun, imaginative, and dramatic.  But hot snap, it is ALL over the place.  I probably won’t read the other ones, but I do want to know what happens, other than the likeliness that good is restored to power, Clary discovers that she’s just super and somehow is the key to all this awesome goodness restoration.  (SPOILER) Mostly, I’m just interested in finding out how this whole Luke and Leia grossness between Clary and Jace undoes itself, because, COME THE EFF ON, BRIDGET, obviously it will.  Can someone just tell me?  Seriously. 

Anyways, on with my not-so-kind thoughts about this book.  I’d give a spoiler alert, but I kind of get the feeling if you haven’t already read it, you’re probably too old to want to do this to yourself, or too young to be reading reviews on the Internet; you have been duly warned!

Peeps, by Scott Westerfeld: Candy coated...vampires?

Dear Imaginary Readers,
Tomorrow I get to meet Scott Westerfeld. He is coming to my work. Yes, this is true. I am one lucky librarian! Badass that I am, I will be skipping out on my class early to do so (even grown ups like to play hooky!). Mwahahaha. In gleeful anticipation, please read my review of one of my favorite Westerfelds. And miscellaneous thoughts on the horror that is his 2nd edition paperback cover.
Be jealous.
Love,
S

Peeps. Westerfeld, Scott (2005).
NY: Razorbill. ISBN: 1-59514-031-X

Oh sexy books, how I love thee. Peeps is a medical horror thiller. Subjective? Yes, definitely. But also, Peeps is totally and completely about sex, sex, and more sex. It is on our protagonists mind, as hard as he tries to ignore it, which means it permeates the entire book, sexily seeping out of the pages and into our minds, infecting us parasitically with dirty sex thoughts. However, while Peeps begins by playing into the YA cliché of sex as a honey-pot, bound to doubly screw you, Westerfeld deftly turns this cliché on its ear by the end of the story. Double props go to him for taking another overplayed YA staple, the vampire, and managing to give readers something new to chew on (teeheehee, read on). The story is gripping, a mysterious thriller from start to finish, interspersing the chapters of the story with chapters of true gross-out medical facts about different types of parasites. Kudos to whomever insisted upon including an appendix with a list of the top 10 ways to avoid getting a parasite. The hipness of the city of NY and all its gritty underground glory radiates and helps keep this story modern; it is not a story that would work in any other setting.

Peeps begins with our young studly hero, Cal, in pursuit of an ex-girlfriend he unintentionally infected with a deadly STD. However, this STD isn't deadly for her, it's deadly for everyone around her, as this STD is a parasite that turns its host into a crazed "vampire." Those who are parasite positive are known of as Peeps for short, and have an aversion to sunlight and a crazed desire to consume human flesh. Yum. Cal, it turns out, is a carrier Peep, meaning he's somehow resistant, but carries the parasite, making him quicker, hungrier, and way hornier than your average 18 year old dude. After moving from Texas to NYC for college, Cal managed to get crazy drunk and loose his virginity in a one-night stand to a strange girl he met in a bar (herein lies the cliché). Now that he's a Peep, he can never have sex again, or even kiss a girl, since the slightest swap of body fluid can infect someone with the rascally parasite. Cal has been recruited to join the Night Watch, an underground organization that tracks and contains outbreaks. In Cal's hunt to find the girl who infected him, he unintentionally creates some challenges for his enforced celibacy when he meets Lacy, a true to form very curious and cute journalism student. He reveals his secret identity to her, and the story here morphs into a mystery when crazy stuff starts to happen, including the discovery of Morgan, the girl who infected him. Turns out that bumping uglies and swapping spit aren't the only way for the parasite to be transferred, and that Peeps might not be so out of control after-all.

As a side note, I was super disappointed with the end of the story. It was all excitement, all tension, all gross-out medical stories to weather, all buildup…and then nothing but a sort of happy ending, marred by the lack of any other conclusions to late plot relevations. If I may use a secondary character reference from Judy Blume's Forever, the ending was a bit of a Ralph, if you catch my drift. I felt short changed and pissed. And then I found out there is a sequel, The Last Days. And now I feel much better about Peeps. The end. (Except now, months after I originally wrote this review, I have taken the liberty of reading The Last Days. And it is no Peeps.)

Best for: High school aged YA's. I'd say boys and girls, but the sort of sparkly, sexy, mascara heavy cover art on my copy totally precludes your average teenage boy picking this up on a lark, and is even more targeted in the lipstick heavy paperback version…why must you always market to girls, publishers of America? Woe to you, losing readers on this one.

This brings me to the following point. Someday, I will write a long an lengthy rant about how publishers occasionally ruin a perfectly delightful cover in the hopes of selling more books to teenage girls, who they presume are daft magpies. But I'll save it for another day. Behold the cover directly to your right-o'clock. Now, I have never been nor will I ever have the displeasure of being a teenage boy. But I can pretty safely say that walking around with a book covered in hot pink print, hot chicks, and male models is something no average teen boy will willingly do before pigs have the opportunity to evolve and grow those wings they've always been meaing to do.

PUBLISHER, I believe I make my point when I say this is a book that a lot of teen boys would actually identify with given the opportunity to not look like a tool carrying it around! Cal has rampant hormones and sexy urges! Many teen boys have rampant hormones and sexy urges! There are lots of gross true medical facts! Teen boys love a gross true medical fact...? Cal is always ravenously hungry! Teen boys are often ravenously hungry! Cal has serious relationship problems! Teen boys have serious relationship problems! And did I mention that this entire book is about sex? SEX. Epic fail, target marketer. Way to aim for a specific audience and miss a whole other one. Now that I've wound myself back down, I just stumbled upon a new edition paperback cover. I think it moves leaps and bounds in a less alienating and way grittier direction, so I choose to overlook what I think are the rose petals...yay for acknowledging that this isn't a shiny happy pod people book!


Book talk hook: Turn the idea of vampires on its head, luring eager young readers in. Describe the symptoms of peeps, maybe using some of Cal's own descriptions and play on the whole "Cal can never kiss anyone again. EVER."