Case of the Terribles: Fall Flavors

I'd like to invite all y'all to join my rally cry against the orange tinged dark arts I've been spotting in grocery stores, food aisles, running supplements, and most offensively and horrifyingly, my parents refrigerator.  Hear my rally cry against the indencency of pumpkin spicing, maple baconing, or caramel appleing everything! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a strategically placed piece of pumpkin bread or maple syrup pour (right in my mouth hole area), but things have been getting out of hand, food producers of North America.  When the irreproachable and humble workhouses that are English muffins take on a pumpkin spice hue, I have to wonder: can no food product go unsullied?!

Hear my rally cry against the indecency of pumpkin spice everything: nooooo mooooooooooooooore!  (And especially no more pumpkin beer in July. JUST NO.)

 Please note the relative health of all these things is overwhelmingly, impressively, and staggeringly healthy.  

Here be the grossest things I've found in the wild this fall season:

Maple. Bacon. Energy. Gel.

 Because energy gel wasn't gross enough, we flavored it like sweet meat.  

I'm no wizard, but I predict this will go over real well at mile 15.

Biscuits and Gravy.

 Conceptually, I can't.  Taste wise (because I did): it's just sour cream and rosemary.  

Caramel Apple Oreos.

I wonder why this super duper appealing, caramel apple Oreo is on sale?

Pumpkin Spice Latte....M&M's

WHYYYYYYY? 

Maple Bacon Frosting, Maple Bacon Cookie Mix

 "You know what Americans desperately need?  More bacon," 

said every food manufacturer and restaurant in 2014-?
And who can blame them?  We're notoriously skinny up in this piece that is the USofAbuncance! Clearly we need some meat on us, and also on our desserts.

Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn

 How do you make a gross candy grosser?  Add pumpkin spice!

White Chocolate Candy Corn Bars

 See above, times one million.  Shudder.

Caramel Apple vs. "Ice Cream" Flavor 

 I'm shivering, and it's not from the freeze-it option.

PUMPKIN SPICE ENGLISH MUFFINS

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

This photo is blurry because my hands were shaking at the abject horror found upon opening the fridge door to steal food.

There are so many things wrong with this.  I can't even...No.  I CAN.
How dare you corrupt my parents thusly, Thomas English muffins, in their own home!